Wednesday, January 25, 2006

In a dream, I heard His voice

Dear all,
Just to update you. The IVU done was ok. There were apparently no clear abnormalities seen although the view was obstructed by lots of faecal matter and abdominal gas in spite of bowel preparation.The constipation must be due to one of the drugs that I am taking.

Monday was the day I went for what is called flexible cystoscopy, where a device will be inserted to see the bladder. It was cancelled and postphoned to 6 Feb after the doctor found some white blood cells in the urine.

Please pray that the urinary system will be found normal. Frankly, it's been emotionally tiring at times when I go for different appointments at the hospital. I can practically spend the whole day there waiting, change into the attire for whatever procedures and later realize that it has to be cancelled for very good reasons. Not the fault of the hospital or doctors, but simply the little frustrations patients like me have to bear with in the midst of what we are going thru.

Yes,I do complain silently in me. I do fret in my soul. And in my spirit too. Only the Lord knows. Probably that's why I shout or even wail in my dreams at night. The other night, Whee Ling woke up after hearing me wailing in my sleep. In my dream, I found myself going through many walls looking for something when all of a sudden, I heard the audible, very manly voice of God calling out to me saying, "Are you ok?". That's when I cried out to Him, "I am very scared!". Just then, Whee Ling woke up and asked if I was alright and instantly I answered her that I was ok, not knowing exactly what I answered her. The next day she said I told her I was looking for the Lord. Now I understand why I was going thru so many walls in the dream. I am glad I heard the voice of the Lord in the dream. Whether it is the real voice of God or not, I am assured that his promise to never forsake or leave me is always so assuring and real for a person like me who is learning to fear no evil....Psm 23.

So much about my silent complaining! Do you know what keeps my mouth shut when I complain? When I look at other patients who are worse than me.

There is a man in his fifties who also goes for his regular checkups at the Haematology Centre at SGH. I have seen him many times. Talked to him several times as well.A stem cell transplant was done 3 years ago and till this day, he is still on a wheelchair. Besides, there were many other complications along the way. Thus, he has to go for so many appointments every week in the hospital- one moment to see the eye doctor; another to see for his liver condition and so on.... on a wheelchair by Taxi accompanied by his wife. I just can't imagine the pain and frustration in him. Life to him is like visiting the hospital every other day. Mind you, on a wheelchair. I am thankful that I am not on one, tho I do have several checkups with different disciplines for my condition. But what's that compared to some of these people whom I see there whose situation are far worse that mine. And I wonder how they cope, especially when they do not know the Lord. But for me, and you, we have the Lord! We have the Lord EVERYDAY, every moment of our lives to be with us for He said that He told His disciples that He will not leave us as orphans but will come to us. The Holy Spirit has come. he is our Comforter and friend. But more than that, he is the Triune God who is awesome like a comsuming fire. Therefore, you and I will fear no evil no matter what 'shadow of death' we face in life's journey. Wow, such is our God, a very, ever present God who will protect and provide our veery need.

I am ok - I pray you experience His presence today and always in a very meaningful way too in every step of your way.

Thank you for sharing our journey.


"Our circumstances are not an accurate reflection of God's
goodness. Whether life is good or bad, God's goodness, rooted in His character, is the same" -- Helen Grace Lescheid