Dear each and all,
Am very privileged to have so many of you interceding for me. And for sending your blessings and words of encouragement to see me thru especially thru your prayers in the name of our Chief Shepherd.
The past week has been most difficult, apart from all those times of pain thru the insertion of the central venouus catheter or BMA or even steroids in the past months. This time, with all the chemotherapy and total body irradiation, plus all the many different kinds of medications administered into my body, I felt all the side effects that sometimes were just unbearable. It was kind of hard to explain. So much going on inside the body.I could only try to bear whatever I could while desperately asking and calling a few nearest ones for a listening ear and prayer especially on one late night when I was like 'walking thru the shadow of death."
There was no immediate relief. There was times in reality I asked why God did not answer my prayer for deliverance instantly. Not only did I feel greatly discouraged, I felt such anguish in my great affliction. I could identify with the Psalmist in 6:6-7 when he desperately said, "I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of the all my foes." Yet in my heart the Lord did not leave me alone and "from the Lord comes deliverance" Psalm 3:8. He heard my cry for mercy and accepted my prayer.(6:8-9)
At the very instant, a nurse stepped into my room to check on me that night and saw my pathetic state. She inmmmediately called for the doctor on call to examine me. To me, it was a way God delivered me although not every side effect like the hiccups, vomitting, diarrhoea, sore throat and restlessness was gone. But at least, my cries had been heart and "I could lie down and sleep in peace, for He alone makes me dwell in safety" Psalm 4:8
Vision of the Chief Shepherd
Thru all these, The Lord gave me a vision of Him as a shepherd. Whenever I close my eyes to dwell upon Him , that vision would appear in clear glittering form with Jesus in white holding the staff and the rod. Interesting, a very dear friend, Joseph Ling gave me a book on Psm 23 that I brought along to read. And it has given me a greater understanding of my shepherd.
A dream - Men coming towards me with fire
2 days ago, I had an interesting dream in the daytime when I was resting. A group of men were all holding torches and charred furniture moving towards me. As each drew near to me, I calmly declared that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. And soon after that, one by one the crowd disappeared. Thank God for the power of His word - indeed, He is the word and He holds the word of life!
Awakened by demonic presence
I have shared quite a bit, but I am writing at this hour because I was just awaken by a very strong demonic presence in my room.
It was about 2 plus earlier when I was slepping. I was awaken now and then due to strange encounters. Each time as I got up, I was wondering where I was - sometimes in a strange land or even in a room where I don't even recognise or remember that I am actually in SGH as the colours of the walls were of different colours. Halluciating you may think. But after I realized after I got up, I then realized that I am still in the hospital.Honestly, in my mind, I could hear people talking and at one time, I saw many people - young and old; ladies and other people floating around me. At one time, I could sense a woman on my left that I had to say,"hey you go away in Jesus name. Straight away, I sensed in my spirit that it was not a dream but a demonic presence around me.Unlike the last round in the open ward, I did not shout in the name of Jesus for them to get out. Recognising that I was being disturbed in the spirit, I quietly commanded each of them to go in the mighty name of Jesus, the Kings of kings and Lords of lords! When I did that, all of a sudden, I could feel a gush of wind leaving my bed. Really! Never felt that before, but I realized the spirit of death in the hospital is so strong when many many have been very sick and have gone.
As it was quite late, I decided not to call anyone, but just sent a few sms to some for prayer in case some 'night birds' may still be awake.
Whee Ling called, and said she was still awake praying for me using a book on praying for deliverance. Here are some of the scriptures she shared:
Psm 50: 15
15 and call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you will honor me."
Psm 31:2; 15
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.
Psm 18: 2-3; 16-19
2 The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn [a] of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I am saved from my enemies.
16 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
17 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.
19 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
13 For you have delivered me [c] from death
and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life. [d]
Once again, thx for standing with us during this trying period. Your prayer and constant intercession for us have strengthened us to face the harsh realities of the whole battle with Cancer and the trials that the Lord has allowed us to go through. The journey ahead is still very long, but we are trusting God for every step of the way in order that His name may be glorified.
I specially want to thank many of you who called or sms. And for my immediate family members who cared so much for me and close friends who had visited me. It made my stay here more bearable though I could not talk much during this time of physical suffering.
Appreciate each one and all of you,